The Mum Network

The Time I thought I Was a Beautician – The big business of Eyebrows

I always fancied myself as a bit of a beauty therapist. In my younger days little sister would get leave from boarding school and come over to my North Shore flat and I would spend hours practicing on her. Unfortunately I wasn’t as good at beauty therapy as I had imagined.

Firstly there was the time I dyed one of my best friend’s hair completely pink. She had naturally beautiful curly ginger hair and after convincing her I was THE ONE to be able to turn her blond, I was sworn away from foils, brushes and home hair dyes forever.

That wasn’t the start of it though, those were the days before the GHD was invented and with big hair running in the family, little sis and I believed we had invented the best way to straighten our hair. It involved an ironing board, an awkward position and the iron. Nothing protecting the hair, we ironed our hair like we ironed our a shirt, lots of steam and hot steel way too close to the most important part of our bodies, the brain – which clearly we weren’t using! It wasn’t always successful and there were a fair few (LOADS) of scalp burns, scars and swearwords. However, after being mocked by all our friends with regard to our unconventional way to straighten big hair, we soon had a line up at the front door for ‘me too’ do’s on Saturday night. I thought I was onto something until a clever person invented the girls best friend, the GHD.

After my incredible prowess with an iron (I’ve not picked one up since) I believed I was ready to start in the lucrative world of hair removal. After all, I’d managed to eliminate the hair off my own legs for a few years, how hard could it be? I owned a very cool little machine called an epilady but as I had been using the “Masacre Machine” for a number of years, my claims that “it didn’t hurt a BIT” didn’t take into account the first time I used it. My eyes watered simply when I turned it on. I think I’ve actually blocked out the first time I used it.

My first client (erm, victim) was my best friend, she lived in the apartment downstairs and I had convinced her that my handy “Masacre machine” was capable of pulling our her underarm hairs without hurting one little bit. OMG, I’m crying with tears of sadness and laughter just writing this. What I did to my poor best friend’s armpits haunts me to this day. The “Masacre machine” not only pulled our every hair in her armpits but left a red rash and burning sensation under her armpits for at least a week. Two hours after I terrorized her armpits (she actually asked me to stop and I KEPT GOING, what kind of person am I?)  she had an important function to attend. She described her dinner table manner as “I had to sit like the incredible hulk because I couldn’t let my armpits touch my skin it burned and ached so much”. From memory she cried in pain throughout the entire dinner (yes, real tears) and it was made worse by the fact that she was sitting at a table with very important people that she really didn’t want to look like a dick in front of.  OMG, I am still so sorry about that.

My obsession with becoming a do it yourself beauty therapist didn’t end there. I returned to little sister who either trusted me way too much or was simply too scared to say no. After determining that machinery and hair removal weren’t the best way for me to practice my home beauty therapy, I moved to the less invasive practice of eyebrow plucking . How could I get that wrong? Well true to form, I completely and utterly plucked the poor child’s eyebrows till she no longer had any. I’m still not sure if they’ve grown back completely but I’m no longer allowed to even make a comment about her appearance or the “I have no eyebrows because of you” retaliation begins.

That ended my foray into beauty therapy. Fair enough too.

Eyebrows are BIG business and there’s a real science to it. I wish in girls schools they taught us not to touch our own as it appears that even I ‘ve gone a bit hard on the old window frames to the eyes. They also thin out as you get older – fact (Learnt that this morning during my 5 minute eyebrow wax).

Anyhoo, isn’t it INCREDIBLE how much better you feel once you’ve had your eyebrows done? I’ve spent the last 4 weeks planning to get mine done and after what was literally a 5 minute appointment today I was wondering why on earth I didn’t do it earlier. Feel like I have a new face. Seriously.

Everyone has their favourite place to get their eyebrows done but here’s something not everyone knows, good friend of The Mum Network, Kristen Fisher is Australia’s most sought after brow expert click here for her website. She’s Australia’s version of Oprah’s favourite brow lady, Anastasia. Kristen is one of the nicest and most spunky gals we know. Her work has been covered in Australia’s leading magazines, she’s constantly shaping brows for magazine shoots and and regularly visits the offices of Sass & Bide, Napoleon Perdis, Cosmopolitan Magazine and Luxottica to do all the gals in the office at once. If you have an office full of gals who want to make an event of it, give her a call, we have no doubt she’d love to add you to her client list!

And I promise to never attempt beauty therapy again.

One comment

  1. Anna

    It’s funny reading your Beautician story. You gave me my first facial when we were about 10 years old. You had that Innoxa stuff from your Mum and we used to do facials in your bedroom. You were so serious. You taught me all the steps and what order I had to do them. I didn’t mind being your practise person, I love having people do facials! Looks like it was a good thing you hadn’t learnt about waxing and eyebrows back then! I still think of you when I’m trying to remember how to do a facial. 🙂

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