Have you ever had one of those days where a myriad of thoughts go through your head that make no sense at all but the inner dialogue makes sense when you’re thinking it? I had one of ‘those days’ today and here’s where my brain took me:
Hubby mowing the lawns
Brain speaking to myself: “oh, is there anything better than the smell of freshly cut grass on a summer’s afternoon? Hmmmm, maybe a chocolate factory….ooohhhh no, a coffee shop….no, lollies…..oh noooo bacon, yes bacon is a better smell than everything”
Hubby doing the washing
Brain: “What a kind hubby I have to volunteer to do the washing for 6 months…….I hope he fails and realises how frigging hard it is, no no, be grateful, most women would KILL for hubby to do something so kind….still….hope he fails a little bit”
Checked my Instagram feed
Brain: “Damn Beyonce looks incredibly good at the Grammys…damn….I love her, no I hate her…..she must be working out….If I work out for 3 hrs a day when the kids go back to school, maybe I can look that good”
Co-Incidently found a pic of my wedding in box at top of stairs I decided to clean up
Brain: “If I post that to Instagram, I can pretend I too am still as hot as Beyonce because the reality is, I did look good that day – yes, yes you did Lara, this time in your life is a momentary hiccup, well more like you ate too many burgers but whatever……you did look good then, post it” Yep, totes posted it to Instagram.
No 2 son has best friend staying over, he says thank you ALL THE TIME and has the best manners ever:
Brain: “How is this kid so well mannered, I love him, I want to adopt him and just have his excellence rub off on all my children. His Mum has heaps of kids, maybe I can steal him and she won’t notice”
Brain: “Why do all my friends camp? What is wrong with me, why do I refuse to go camping. Must change attitude towards camping and at least try it – no, could never camp – but must….the children are losing out on memories – who on earth would have good memories camping? Pull your head in, send hubby, he is good at creating memories. You are good at washing – oh shit, hubby has taken over the washing”
Accountant emailed me:
Brain: *Can’t even publish that thought*
Mum walked in, she didn’t say she was coming over:
Brain: “Ok……slowly start to clean up the things you think she hasn’t seen. Do it slowly so she doesn’t realise how much mess there really is, distract her with the children. Yes….chuck a few in the pool and get her to watch them whilst you clean up the lunch dishes” (It was dinner time)
Another Mummy Blog posted about article written in Herald Sun about how “Strippergate” means all Mummy Bloggers are lefty feminsits with nothing better to do than bring down the male sex with banal commentary on how men treat women.
Brain: “Do NOT post your thoughts to that BLOG Lara, it’s suicide and opening a can of worms, you do not want to go there. Put the PHONE DOWN”
Got a message from someone via Linked In
Brain: “Who on earth uses Linked In, OMG – I have to use Linked in, people are using it and you have no respect for it as a social platform…..argh, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Linked In – can’t keep up – where’s the bacon?”
Kids chilling out on sofa, being perfectly well behaved watching a movie
Brain: “I can’t wait for school to go back. Oh no, don’t think that, you have had the best summer holidays ever. Hmmm, yes but you need to get to the gym – remember – Beyonce”
Seriously. Bloody crazy brain today. Time to get back to real life.