The Mum Network

The Toddler and The Lady


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With 5 children under my belt I can happily and most contently say I’m done. I have the body to prove it and we are now in the final stages of toddlergate.

Baby no 5 has just started walking over Christmas and with the big kids to entertain him, I had forgotten how completely cute and yet annoying they can be. Mr 14 months proved today that he too is up for the challenge to create as much havoc as possible for the next 2-4 years.

Here’s what I’m fairly sure ran through his mind today:

6:15am: “Muuuuummmm, Muuuum. Hmph, The Lady isn’t listening to me, I’m going to reach out of my cot and pull those clothes down on the hanger thingy. Oops, they’re all over the floor. Oh well, The Lady will pick them up, she always does”

7:15am: “Muuuuuuuummm, Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. The Lady will have to come and get me soon because the smell will waft into her room. I might cry a little to get her attention”

7:16am: “Oh good, the lady is here. I will make that crying noise again till she feeds me”

7:25am: “Yuck, weet bix again. There’s only one place for this crap. The floor”

7:45am: “Why did it take her so long to work out I only wanted biscuits. I love mashing banana into my pj’s”

7:50am: “Urghhh, clothes, I hate clothes. Must. Try. Best. To. Ensure. She. Can’t. Get. Clothes. On. Me”

8:00am: “Nooooo, not the car again, I hate the car. I’m going to arch my back and make this impossible for her. Why are those other kids always fighting. I think I’ll cry to show them who is the loudest.”

8:15am: “Why haven’t we left yet, I’m still in the car….Muum, Muuum. Mum!”

8:30am: “I know we’re at that place where she leaves my older brother, DON’T LEAVE ME HERE LADY, DO NOT PUT ME DOWN ON THE FLOOR. I am going to cling to your leg so you won’t leave me here like you leave him. You have been warned, I AM GOING TO BITE YOU IF YOU LEAVE ME HERE”

8:40am: “Oh, the donut shops. I like the donut shops. I want some of that coffee stuff she has in her hands….if only I can reach it. Ooops. Spilt. Stop yelling at me Lady. Don’t buy the coffee if you don’t want me to have it”

8:50am: “Great, we’re sitting down at coffee with those school ladies who like me. They always talk to me. The Lady just yells. I’ll make them all think I’m delicious and cute. Goo goo, ga, ga look at ME, I’m so frigging CUTE that you all think I’m perfect. I love these ladies.”

10:30am: “Arghhh, a stranger. No, no don’t try to hold me. Do not get me out of the pram, you freak. I only like to be held by The Lady. I must hold onto her neck as hard as I can. Hmm, I wonder if I can get back into her tummy, that was a comfortable place. I’ll try that now”

11:00am: “Sleep? Huh? Totes not tired Lady. Oh well, at least she gave me a bottle. Will just pour it all over my sheets till I get tired”

2:00pm: “Awake. Muuuuuuuummmmmmmm!!!!!!! Good, she heard me. I’m hungry. No I don’t want any of the last 5 meals you gave me, that’s why I put them on the FLOOR. Just give me biscuits. That’s all I want. Oh and water but I only want the water to pour on the floor”

2:07pm: “Free at last. I love the floor. The lady should really pick up all this food or I might slip. Right, where to first? The tupperwear cupboard, yes. That’s where I need to start……everything out. Next, pot cupboard. Bang Bang, this is SO much fun. Mustn’t let The Lady know I’m having fun. Time to whinge for a drink.”

3:00pm: “The lady is sitting at that computer thingy again. I hate it when she’s on that thing. I reckon I would be good at it though, it must be fun tapping on those keys. She needs to get off it so I can have a turn tapping. She always moves when I punch her in the back….here goes. Hooray – VICTORY! The computer is mine!”

3:10pm: “Lego. Awesome. It feels so good to eat it on my sore gums. Stupid teeth, why can’t she just work out that I have sore teeth? Why do I have to point out everything to The Lady. Must destroy this Lego because it’s new and that’s my duty. I love that the Lady won’t let the big kids get angry with me, makes it so much easier to destroy everything.”

3:20pm: “Awesome. Toy bucket. Everything out. I need my footy and that other noisy thing. Hope that other kid doesn’t come home. He always takes these off me. I think I might find a way to really hurt him. I’m going to pull his hair when he gets home. Just cause I can.”

3:30pm: “It’s really boring without those big kids here. I want that phone thing that’s always in The Lady’s hand. It’s mine and she always takes it off me. Will cry and see if she gives it to me. Woo Hoo! Victory is mine AGAIN, she is giving in easily today”

4:00pm: “Oh, it looks like The Lady is going to go out again. Must hide these keys somewhere. I don’t want to get in the car again.”

4:10pm: “The Lady is so angry. Man, I live in this car. I wonder if I throw my toy at The Lady if she will notice me. Bingo – good hit. Uh oh, she’s pretty angry…………”

5:10pm: “When is The Lady going to work out I no longer eat mash vegetables. Onto the floor they go. I hate your veges Lady. I want burrito’s like the big kids are having and I want extra. To throw on the floor”

6:30pm: “Eeeeeeek…..the Man is home. I love the Man. He is my favourite. I might just sing a song for him and cuddle him and blow kisses at him. Dad, Dad, Daddy, Da Da Da – I FRIGGING LOVE THIS GUY”

6:45pm: “Huh? Where did the Lady go?…………………..”

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