It’s my birthday today, the usual family practice is going out for dinner. I simply want the temperature to drop 20 degrees (cannot figure if it’s humid, early menopause, thyroid going whacko or just really frigging hot), desperate for the rain to start, cherubs to go to bed (prefereably at 6:30pm) and to order Thai takeaway. Am definitely a homebody at heart.
Today I am 37 years young, through my eyes looking out to the world, I still feel 21 but to the world looking in, and especially my kids, I’m ancient. Mr 3 asked me this morning if I was now older than Nanny (my Mum).
Seriously considered botox as I walked past the beauty place at the shops, the only thing that stopped me was a Mum at pre-school this week who confessed to having 60 shots of botox at $18 a hit ($1080) earlier that morning. I had to inject myself with insulin 4 x per day when preggers, the thought of voluntarily putting 60 + needles in my face made ‘NO FRIGGING WAY” an easy decision.
Reflected a bit on life and the universe and reminisced over old photos of less wrinkled self and yikes, do I have some words of advice for me when time travel becomes a reality…….
Dearest 16 year old me…….a little bit of fashion and life advice is required……
- Boys are awesome but don’t live for them. You are worthy of being treated well. Believe that.
- Don’t smoke. DON’T EVER SMOKE.
- Don’t use an Epilady. It’s a brutal machine. You will try to convert many friends, it’s not worth it, you will cause them grevious bodily harm.
You may look like a 20 year old but stop dressing like one. Ditch all your clothes. ALL OF THEM. Just wear jeans and a T-shirt until you figure out what looks good. Hypercolor T-shirts are not cool.
- Enjoy the INXS concert for life. Your mother is wrong, there are no bikie gangs coming to attack you, you will not take drugs, it’s a great day out and you will have a ball. Commit it to memory and party hard. You’ll enjoy the reflections one day.
- Don’t buy an Ab roller, they’re rubbish. All informercials are selling you rubbish. You think you will use it but you won’t.
- You have a great figure and your body is hot. 63 kgs is not fat. Wear that bikini and wear it with pride. You will never wear another one after you turn 27.
- When you go to the library, STUDY. It’s not a time for socializing. Maths is important. Yes you smartarse, calculators are available (you will soon have one on a thing called a mobile phone and it will get you out of all kinds of tricky mathematical situations). However, even though you will you will never use most of these equations and maths ‘stuff’ again, it may be helpful to know when you have children so that you don’t feel like an IDIOT when you can’t do Year 3 maths.
- Your textile and design teacher is wrong, you will amount to something. Throw the chair back at her and see how it feels.
- Don’t be a bully, ever. Be mindful of people’s feelings. You will meet people in the future who think you’re a bit scary at school. You don’t mean to be scary but be kinder. Please.
- Those girlfriends you have now will remain your besties for life. Cherish them always and be there for them. There are some tough times ahead and great times ahead for all of you.
- You will soon discover that your unruly hair can be tamed by an iron. Your friends will give you shit about ironing your hair but soon an invention called the GHD will come along. This will become your best friend. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to think about inventing the GHD actually – teenage entrepreneurs are about to be a big thing, just remember the name Mark Zuckerberg….
- You have a number of formals coming up. Hire a stylist or anyone to help you make good choices but get help. Cobolt blue silk and gold sequins do not make stunning dresses, they make you look like a drag queen. Black gloves DOES NOT MAKE A DRESS “FORMAL”. Tell the boys in your life that having silk Disney characters on their formal shirts hidden under their jackets looks RIDICULOUS 21 years from now. Hmmm, it actually looks ridiculous on the night too.
14. Do NOT cut your hair and dye it blonde. Stop with the fake tan. You have plenty of time to establish a beauty regime that doesn’t involve such extreme measures. Don’t over pluck your eyebrows. THEY DON’T GROW BACK.
15. The women you admire now will be in your life for many years to come. Learn from them, they are wise and wonderful.
16. Have fun. It gets even better than this! Oh and BEHAVE….BEHAVE…BEHAVE.