The Mum Network

Blogging live on the Oscars Red Carpet – from my couch

Right -e-o – am attempting to BLOG live from the Oscars whilst I complete 9 loads of washing (the weekend rain has set the Big Guy back a bit on his chores!) and keep the toddler entertained whilst keeping a close eye on why he’s walking sideways (he fell over twice on the weekend and I’m starting to think I may need to consult a brain surgeon as he’s walking like a crab.

Giuliana Rancic – host of E Channel’s Red Carpet has already won best dressed. Holy Moly she looks like an Italian Cinderella. Alex Perry, if that’s you again then BRAVO.  Screen shot 2014-03-03 at 10.33.56 AMKristin Chenoweth is looking the goods. This is very hard to do as she’s possibly the shortest person in Hollywood. She’s copied my pixie cut, that’s ok, I’m fine with it. Really. I have no doubt however that Hollywood women absolutely HATE E-Channel’s Mani cam. Nothing shows a woman’s age more than their hands. THere’s an idea – hand botox. Is that a thing already?   Screen shot 2014-03-03 at 10.32.36 AM Screen shot 2014-03-03 at 10.40.30 AM

Kristen Bell (I’m pretty sure she’s the chick who recently laid the smackdown on evil paparazzi who stalk her baby) Lovely dress. Safe but she had a baby five minutes ago AMAZE.

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Giuliana has just said that pastels, whites and metallics are the trend this year. 10 minutes form now she’s going to add navy, red and canary yellow to the list and everyone will be on trend.

Ryan Seacrest – this guy is a genius, seriously, yes he probs has a dude in his ear piece feeding him questions but it is an incredibly talented host who can just pump out personalised questions to each actor he interviews. Year after year I look and watch in awe. Richard Wilkins – TAKE NOTE.

Olivia WIlde – Woah HOT MAMA – she’s pregnant and wearing Valentino – bub is due on May 4th – far out woman! I always thought her perfect skin was botoxed to the max but it appears even in a pregnant state she’s utterly beautiful and genetically blessed.

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Kelly Ripa – Oh girl. I hate to be a mean girl but eat a burger.

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Does anyone else not care what the guys are wearing? See one in a suit, see them all. Oh cancel that, Pharrell has turned up in shorts. WTF? He’s now thanking God and the Universe, the awards haven’t even started. We’re only on the red carpet dude.

They really are showing too many guys in suits, they all look the same. Give us some fashion please E.

As predicted Kelly Osborne who isn’t looking her usual glam self has just said that Navy is actually the trend oh and statement necklaces and jewellery. Why haven’t they said mobile phones are on trend. Everyone seems to be tweeting in the background – totes trendy to be tweeting right now.

Lupita Nyong’o – wearing Prada. Humble, Regal, Beautiful. It was her birthday yesterday, she’s just incredible.  If you haven’t seen 12 Years a Slave, you must. Great film.

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Bit worried about Anna Kendrick – she’s just accidentally posed in an “Angelina’s leg” pose – hope the internet are kind. It was a mistake, she fixed it quickly.

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Naomi Watts – NAILED IT. You are awesome. I love that her face has character. By that I mean her face is not so botoxed that you can’t see her frowning. NAOMI you look frigging incredible.  Screen shot 2014-03-03 at 11.25.36 AM

Jared Leto – wearing white, for a man he’s looking kinda interesting. He thinks he looks old school. I think he looks like a rock star. Dallas Buyers Club is another great film you need to see.

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I have a 500gb limit on my internet here and IT COULD NOT BE SLOWER. I think that’s a lot of gigabytes so I’m going to blame the entire world looking at the interweb a tthe moment for Oscars fashion ‘moments’.

Kevin Spacey is also wearing navy. Called it ages ago. NAVY is the trend. Everyone in pastels missed the mark, it’s all about navy tonight.

Jessica Biel – nice safe frock by Chanel couture and it looks nice in the pictures but it doesn’t fit as she’s walking in it. Justin is on tour. She’s just done mani-cam and despite being decked head to tow in TIffany jewellery she has nude nails and no finger bling. Boring, move on.

Screen shot 2014-03-03 at 11.39.52 AMBetter Midler – Classy, hot, on trend and the funniest lady in the business. She’s performing tonight for the first time at the Oscars. LOVE HER.

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Sally Hawkins from Blue Jasmine came dressed as an Oscar. Awkward interview followed by awkward pieces of hair flowing in her face the entire time. Sack the hairdresser. Nice try but …nah……

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Cate Blanchett – Do you ever get it wrong? This is an Oscars winner dress, she’s wearing Armarni. She’s just mentioned Woody despite pressure following the claims that he’s not a nice man at all – she’s not scared. Brave. We’re hoping you win Cate.

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Matthew McConaughey has THE most beautiful family on the planet. White suit again – THAT’s the trend for the boy germs this year. WHITE.

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Jennifer Lawrence has just fallen over again. People rarely fall over at the Oscars, in fact I can’t remember anyone doing it over the past 20 or so years that I’ve been glued to the tele. She’s just done it twice in two years. Either the girl can’t wear heels or someone is telling her it’s a good way to garner attention. Bit of both I think. Nice Dior frock but only my opinion, this style has been done to death.

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The fashion crew on E are agreeing that our Cate looks amazing. Kelly has just said that Nude is now a trend, with pale skin. Lucky for Cate that’s what she’s wearing and she’s pale. They’re now banging on about Lupita’s Prada’s ‘Nairobi Blue’ dress, they stuttered over Nairobi though because they knew it was in Africa but couldn’t remember the name or where. This chick could have worn anything and look good, oh hang on, she has THAT much influence over fashion that Guilana wants to go out and buy a headband tomorrow. This is what fashion is about people – influential headbands.

Now we’re discussing Charlize – the E team think she’s looks incredible. Personally it looks like she has motorbike handles strapped to her boobs.

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Margot Robbie – brown hair and looking HOT. Pity for her that everyone who looks at her remembers her incredibly toned body in Wolf of Wall Street and nothing else. Hope her next movie involved clothing so that she doesn’t become a one hit wonder.

Screen shot 2014-03-03 at 12.08.03 PM Hang on, we’re not crossing to Ryan anymore? Once upon a time Ryan Seacrest got to interview everyone, that was only about 10 people. Ryan? What’s going on? We’re now crossing to people talking about parties, yawn.

Red Carpet coverage is finished…….. here’s some more fashion from The Oscars. GO CATE!

And…….it’s just started raining again, I would like to thank God and the Universe for completely stuffing up my washing today…….gotta run – 6 loads of washing need to be bought in out of the rain……

See ya!

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