The Mum Network

How I’ve ruined every wedding I’ve been to since 2004……..

I would like to apologise to every single bride whose wedding I have attended since 2004.

Apparently I have committed a mortal sin and shown no respect for wedding etiquette at any wedding I’ve ever attended.

I have posted photos of every wedding I’ve been to straight to Facebook.

Whilst attending my cousins wedding yesterday I happily snapped away and published each pic I took straight to Instagram & Facebook. Naturally I ensured that bride, bridesmaids and guests were shown at their very best but apparently it’s still a big NO.

As everyone left the church turning on their mobile phones on the way out, I heard GASPS from my sister and cousin “You can’t do that! Delete Immediately”

I was shocked, stunned and slightly embarrassed by my lack of knowledge about this new social media etiquette (am I alone here?). The rule is that you’re not allowed to post pictures of a wedding until the bride says so or until she posts some herself.

“Why?” I asked rather stupidly.

I was then given a long list of reasons why this new rule has taken effect.

  1. A bride doesn’t want ugly photos of herself posted at the wrong angle, looking fat, too happy, too sad, angry or without the right lighting  – no shit, this is what I was told.
  2. It’s ‘their day’ and they should be able to choose which pictures are seen and by whom.
  3. They may not want some people to see their wedding pictures as they may not have invited them.
  4. It’s the couple’s ‘right’ to post the first pictures of their happy day. Once they have posted the first pics, you’re then allowed to post – apparently.

Having never heard this ‘rule’ before, I asked more and found that you can have two extremes. One is an announcement before a bride even walks down the aisle that all guests refrain from posting any pics to social media. The second is where the invitations actually specify that the wedding has it’s own #hashtag and that it’s fine to ‘post away’ because the bride and groom actually want to see pictures of all their wedding related events grouped together.

My wedding pic taken by a friend wouldn't make the Gen Y cut - bad lighting, mouth open, not the best resolution.

My wedding pic taken by a friend wouldn’t make the Gen Y cut – bad lighting, mouth open, not the best resolution.

I’ve never been to a wedding where any request or mention was made. This is foreign to me and my initial thought was  ‘it smells like control freak bridezilla’s on image control. This wedding stuff is getting OUT OF CONTROL.’

Back in the olden days (a mere 10 years ago) and before Facebook and social media, you took pictures at a wedding on your digital camera (not a phone, the phone cameras were crap back then). The bride had to beg to all her friends to email pics of the wedding. Most people were still taking their cameras to the local printer and getting printed copies so asking them to email pics was way beyond most people’s technical expertise. How cool would it have been to be able to walk out of the ceremony, log onto facebook on your way to the next set of professional pics and see your wedding via another person’s perspective?  Apparently not the way a Gen Y bride thinks……only she is allowed to ‘approve’ pics of ‘her’ day. Urgh. Vom.

Fortunately for me, my cousins’ new wife was totally cool with the pics being posted and therefore I posted away. She is also sensible and has the right privacy settings, as do I, where you cannot be tagged in a picture or in a post unless you approve it. This is something everyone should do because it stops you from being tagged in inappropriate content by idiots who don’t realize you have young, impressionable kids with access to your facebook page.

Weddings have come a long way since our day and I love some of the ideas that have become commonplace at all wedding. There’s the awesome photo booths that are popping up everywhere and loads of fun but it’s not stopping there, there are dessert bars, belly dancers, fire breathers, fireworks, hangover kits for guests, personalized temporary tattoos oh the list goes on! When you spend THAT MUCH TIME, MONEY AND EFFORT planning a wedding, how you wouldn’t want to see pictures is beyond me. Now that many of us have Instagram, many of the pics are even better and more candid than what the official photographers get.

Following my lack of knowledge about Gen Y’s wedding rules, I thought I would compile a list of wedding ‘rules’ that the Gen X and 35+ demographic still follow:

  1. Women are never to wear all white to a wedding or all black.
  2. If in a sit down ceremony, the bridal couple leaves first, followed by the bridal party, then the families in the front rows, ROW BY ROW until the last row leaves last.
  3. Bride must wear something Old, New, Borrowed and Blue.
  4. Men as guests are not to remove their suit jackets until the groom takes his off (most grooms are unaware of this rule and can.often leave their jacket on not knowing how many guys are watching their every move whilst sweating their guts out wishing they would take their jackets off!)
  5. Rain on your wedding day is incredibly good luck.
  6. Don’t dispute the guest list. Ever. It’s not your wedding. Don’t ever pull the ‘if XXX isn’t invited, I’m not coming”
  7. FOLLOW THE DRESS CODE. Cocktail does not mean jeans. Formal does not mean the summer dress you wore to the pub last week. The families have spent a lot for you to be there, make an effort.
  8. Never congratulate the new couple after the ceremony until close family have had the opportunity to.
  9. Never interrupt the speeches, no matter how bad they are. It’s not about you.
  10. Don’t see the wedding as your opportunity to drink the bar dry and then  knock the wedding cake off the table, fall apart on the dance floor, vomit in the toilets or generally behave like an idiot. If you’re hammered, leave early before you make a scene.

Needless to say, we left a little earlier than most last night!   Great wedding though, wish more brides were as chilled as my cousin yesterday.

Oh and sorry to all the brides I’ve apparently offended over the years!


  1. Gosh! While it makes total sense I never thought of it. I haven’t been to that many weddings myself and am currently in wedding planning hell. Maybe what couples could do is create a page that guests can upload all their photos so they and other guests can see but only them? I am invited to a wedding in august that has its own website and app! Really a wedding today is about everything but the love between the bride and the groom! LOL

  2. hahaha there are some serious bridezillas out there. I do have to admit that I do know a few people who will post EVERY SINGLE PICTURE they take, regardless of who is on them or what they look like. (to give you an example, my sister in law posted a HORRIBLE picture of me on my wedding day – I think she did it on purpose – my eyes are closed in a half talking half laughing grimace, I’m all red in the face, I look like I weigh 220lbs… it sucks!) But it’s true that there are some extremes. It seems like couples nowadays care more about what they look like, how much the dinner cost and what shoes to wear, than the actual celebration… or you always have that ONE guest who comments on everything especially the price tags. ugh!

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