The Mum Network

Thanks to Kylie, “Sexercise” will be a thing now.

Screen shot 2014-03-20 at 10.15.42 PMJust when we were all feeling guilty about the amount of exercise we’re not doing. Kylie Minogue released a new song about a new fitness regime – SEXERCISE.

I may be slightly unpopular for writing this but I’ve just watched the video clip and I don’t get it.

The lyrics are below but I’ve translated them for you in italics because I think she’s saying one thing and meaning another. Given that she’s not really targeting the 20 somethings, I’ve surmised that this song is for the 30 and 40 somethings who grew up with her and are still die hard fans:

Stretch it up baby (I haven’t had children but I know this is what happens) ) 
You take your time though (No, really, I’m in no hurry, in fact not even interested) 
I’m burning, push in me (I have that burning thing that happens, be quick) 
Let me see you sexercize (I’ve done my bit – you need exercise you fatty) 
I’ll make you wait for more (I’m not putting out for anyone) 
Make you beat to the core (I’ll give you a heart attack before I put out) 
Tomorrow you’ll be sore (Um……too much information Kylie)
Let me see you sexercize (You need practise as you are crap at sex?)
I wanna see you beat all your best times (I’ll make sure this is over really quick) 
And if you’re lucky I’mma teach you (You need lessons, you really are crap in bed)
Let’s just turn you blind (Going to blindfold you are I can’t stand looking at you)

Sexy yeah? NOT.

Firstly, it’s clearly a song and video clip to garner attention. Boobs, Bums, Sexy dancing, simulated sexy times – ok, fair enough, that’s how the music industry rolls these days.

Rihanna, Madonna, Miley and Robin Thicke have all gained mainstream attention from the very sexy video tactic and it’s worked for them but this one just feels wrong. It’s copy cat marketing. It’s “Kylie’s famous hot pants part 2”. The song feels like Brittney Spears should be singing it and the auto tuning and voice effects also make you wonder if it’s even Kylie.


Take a look and let me know if I’m wrong:


There’s no doubt she has a rocking body and it’s actually hard to believe she’s now 45 years old. She certainly doesn’t look like Madonna has in recent video’s  which looks like a strange effort to maintain a “sexy mama but I’m not a mama, I’m a cool, hot 55 something pop star” image.  Yes Madonna is 55 years old now. Madonna has no need to hang up her boots but at some stage you need to act your age don’t you?


There’s a time and a place and I guess when you have a bod like Kylie’s then why not. I just think it’s a pity that she feels like she needed to. Especially with a sub-standard song like this. Have always been a fan but sorry Kylie, it feels a bit desperate.


Have you ever wondered how old our former music idols are these days – I did a quick Interweb check – gobsmacked – Mick Jagger needs some time off.

How old is your fave PopStar in 2014?

Brittney Spears         32 years old
Beyonce                    32 years old
Will.I.Am                    39 years old
Robbie Williams:       40 years old
Mariah Carey            43 years old
Jennifer Lopez          44 years old
PDiddy                      44 years old
Jay Z                         44 years old
Kylie Minoque:          45 years old
Celine Dion                45 years old
Madonna:                   55 years old
Jimmy Barnes            57 years old
Stevie Wonder           63 years old
John Farnham           64 years old
Lionel Ritchie             64 years old
Cher:                          67 years old
Dolly Parton               68 years old
Mick Jagger:             70 years old
Tom Jones                73 years old
Cliff Richard              73 years old
Tina Turner               74 years old



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