The Big Guy and I decided to take advantage of the combined Easter and ANZAC day holidays and like many, have turned our 4 day Easter break into a longer trip away. Each day we’ve asked the kids if they want to go home and their response is ‘no way’ so it’s turned into a 10 day break and it’s been the best trip we’ve had in a very long time.
I can’t quite figure out why it’s been so fab as we’ve spent less money and been less places than any other trip we’ve ever been on. We’re up at our holiday house in the country – it’s actually very close to wine country…dangerously close to wine country. The vineyards are far too close to pop in for a case or two and any guest who visits usually stops by the cellar doors for a case or three too. I’ve paced myself with one night on, one night off. That said, the detox once I get home may need to involve kale and lots of green shit as I do have a feeling my liver is in shutdown mode.
I have also realized why most people at the shops are massive humans – they’re drinking and eating the profits of wine country. Our local shopping centre could be a good place for the Biggest Loser Producers to cast their next season, seriously frightening (I feel I can say this as I’m a larger’ish kind of person so for me to say they’re big well, they’re BLOODY MASSIVE).
Our holiday house is a lovely farm with cows, motorbikes, quad bikes, chainsaws and importantly, 130 acres of man stuff to keep husbands amused. It’s my dream home. After years of having a few of the younger kids on the sidelines waiting for something to do, they’re all now at an age where this place is pure paradise for kids……….and parents. A few things have cross my mind over the last 10 days or so, in no particular order:
– The reason there are so many accidents on freeways and country roads during holidays is because city people are driving on them. City people need to learn how to drive on freeways. Their driving skills are a mess. LEFT LANE PEOPLE AND SLOW THE FECK DOWN.
– A $15 cricket set and endless amounts of grass and space can buy more fun than trampoline parks, wet’n’wild or the movies.
– Despite learning to ride the smallest motorbike which is now officially ‘hers’, Miss 6 has accepted the hand me down but asked specifically for a ‘pink one’ for her birthday. I have no doubt The Big Guy has put an order in at the local bike shop already.
– Never send the Big Guy to Bunnings alone. Ever. It’s the most expensive shopping trip ever.
– After 10 days of observation, male cows (steers & bulls) hang together in small herds. A bit like gangs of teenage boys. They don’t talk much to the other bigger steers because they’re happy with their own posse and shit scared of the bigger guys. The curvy girl cows hate the boys but despite trying to get some space, they’re followed everywhere they go by the small, weedy, desperate steers.
– The Big Guy is very efficient and happy when he has a high powered gurney in his [Insert sound of man grunting here].
– After rewarding the kids for good behavior with a new Nintendo Wii game and motion plus controller thingy’s, I only have myself to blame when night time ‘quiet time’ turns into the most competitive and violent game of 10 Pin Bowling in the history of school holidays.
– Digital TV in the country sucks. The signal is shit and the infomercials hurt my feelings as I don’t like to be talked to like I’m an idiot. Meantime, saw a bit of Keith Urban on American Idol on Channel 11, OMG, what is with his HAIR?
– Speaking of hair, I should take hair product with me on holidays. My selfies look like I’m a cross between a blonde Fran Dresher and Cameron Diaz in Something about Mary. Totally unpublishable.
– Must remember to pack my fat jeans next time I go on a holiday to the country when every meal involves wine and cheese.
– If you haven’t tried plum paste or quince paste with camembert and bickies – DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND GET SOME.
– Every teenage girl up here has the new balyage style hair do. I don’t get it, it looks like they have let their dark roots grow out too much.
– I would have far less washing to do if my kids simply owned 3 sets of clothing instead of the 20+ outfits they currently own.
– I have no idea how anyone keeps floorboards clean and dust free. This place is all floorboards and I think I’m sweeping them at least 4 times a day. May have to move my robot vacuum cleaner up here on a full time basis or ask for one for my b’day.
– There is nothing quite like an electrical storm in the country. It’s the only time you will be in the eye of a storm and genuinely think the house may fall down.
– Despite having kids sports on Saturdays and Sundays, I’m definitely going to do my best to get up here and unwind more often. Feeling very lucky to have this place.
I also learnt today that my Maternal Grandfather was in the NZ army, no idea how that hasn’t registered in my brain. I’m from a family who have a proud connection to the Kiwi forces, two cousins, a cousin in law and an Uncle have proudly served in the Kiwi forces and one of the Big Guy’s best mates was a top dog in the Aussie Army. And for that, we thank them and the many more who put their lives on the line so that we have the freedom to ride motorbikes on farms and give our kids the best memories possible.
Lest We Forget.