The Mum Network

How to embarrass yourself in front of 600 school kids.

Well that was embarrassing.

I’m just back from helping at the school mother’s day stall where you try to desperately stop your friends kids from choosing the one gift on the table that you know will go straight to the cupboard. I tried so hard to steer them towards the jewellery that was absolutely beautiful or the wine glass bedazzled with the word “Mum” on it (my fave and would be a fave for all my wine guzzling Mama friends) but no luck, there will be some Mamas who just have to accept that the kids have different taste to them! That said, we did have some amazing gifts on offer!

But here comes the embarrassing bit. I was on bag duty today. I was writing the kids names on their gift bags to ensure there was no confusion at home time and I FORGOT the names of at least 50 kids that I have known for 5+ years. These are the kids of my girlfriends and the best friends of my kids. I seriously forgot everyone’s names and so as they approached me with gifts in hand ready to be packed and named, I FROZE!


I tried everything.

Me: “Can you spell your name darling?

Kid 1: “B.E.N”

Kid 2 “T.O.M”

Kid 3 “J.A.C.K”

Kid 4 “A.D.A.M”

Kid 5 “S.A.R.A.H”

This went ON and ON and On.

D’oh. Shit. Yes of course, “I’m just testing you! Excellent spelling!”


Me: “And what’s your name darling?”
Kid 4 “You know me, I’m in Mr 9’s basketball team”
Me “Oh, of course!’ (Nope, searching. NOTHING. I had nothing, there are only 5 kids on a basketball team at one time, how could I not know this kid?)

I ended up asking him his name as I had no idea AT ALL. The kid was appalled.


Meantime I also discovered there are forty thousand different ways to spell Katherine, Marissa, Jayden and I got them all wrong. I also discovered that every second kid at our school is named Christian. We’re a holy bunch. Amen to that.


They’re all going to go home and let Mama’s know that Lara has no frigging idea who they are. And it’s true.


Is this an age thing? Memory loss?


I’ve noticed the age thing creeping up on me faster than I’m comfortable with of late.


  • Grey hair appearing on head. So much so my roots look like they’re growing back blond.
  • Serious hearing loss.
  • Ability to drop 5kgs in a week surviving on diet coke alone has disappeared.
  • Beautiful eyebrows that I plucked too much as a teen now light in colour and thin as a pencil and in need of Kardashian type makeover
  • Getting tired at night when I used to be able to burn the midnight oil till at least 3am each morning.
  • Have started shopping for my clothes at Sussans and I like their stuff
  • Have started asking for a subscription to Australian Woman’s Weekly for birthdays.
  • Can often be found at the local RSL on a Friday or Saturday night


It’ll be all over when I start showing an interest in gardening. That’s when I know I’m close to kicking the bucket.


Just as we’ve decided the family is good and complete at 5 kids and Mr 1 is in daycare a couple of days a week, can feed himself and is getting more independent, I feel like my body and brain are telling me I’m over the hill.


Should have told the kids whose name I forgot not to worry too much, biggest sign of aging is being like my Mum and calling my own kids every name under the sun before I get to their name!



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