Our first world problems can be funny sometimes and it’s not till I come home after a session with the gals that I realise how weird we can be about certain things that no one else would even think about.
Our discussions can range from one mother whinging that their child who is struggling at school and needing more attention to the mother who feels their gifted child needs to be extended further. We talk of hubby’s who just ‘don’t get it’ and of hubby’s who are ‘always up for it’ but the funniest first world problem that came across the coffee table last week was:
Seriously. Yup, the gals and I really know how to tackle the big issues.
One of my friends was seriously pissed that a man in line before her had taken a FULL TROLLEY of groceries through the self serve checkout. Uh HUH! THE NERVE OF THIS MAN. The horror, the absolute cheek of him. HE WANTED TO SCAN ALL HIS OWN ITEMS. Appalling!
I was laughing a little at the hilarity of it all until everyone else joined in. Shit. There are serious rules for this stuff.
Apparently it goes a little like this:
- Do not under any circumstances allow your children to start singing “Down, Down, Prices are Down” when you hear it on the PA system in the supermarket, you will not get it out of your head for another 24 hours.
- Once you have your trolley move through the shop and do not stop at the entry point where everyone else is coming through. Causing trolley jam 1/2 an hour before school’s out can cause you seriously bruised ankles.
- Thou shalt not pick up and poke the fruit and veges and for God sake, don’t smell them, you are not Con the Fruiterer.
- Free food samples are not your chance to have a free lunch. Take one, move on.
- You may pick up the eggs and turn over and inspect to ensure they are worthy of making it into your trolley.
- Go up the aisles the right way and in order and if you can’t do that KEEP TO THE LEFT.
- Keep your crazy children under control at all times and if you can’t, keep them restricted to sitting INSIDE your trolley. If that still doesn’t work, feed them.
- Do not leave your trolley unsupervised, especially in our Coles, the floors are uneven. The tolley takes off before you have realised it’s no longer waiting next to you.
- Do not find a friend and have your weekly gossip in the aisles taking up the only thoroughfare where people can walk through.
- Take a number at the deli. If the deli is not busy and numbers are not being used, make sure you take note of who arrived there before you. This is a note for most old people who tend to forget that it’s polite to line up.
- Do not take an item and find a cheaper version later in the shop and just put the item you no longer want somewhere random in the supermarket. That’s just rude.
- Your finished takeaway coffee cup is not to be disposed of on supermarket shelves, nor is the finished squeezy yogurt you let your screaming child eat to keep them quiet. PAY FOR IT.
- When you arrive at the checkout, wait for the person before you to finish loading their shopping on the convertor belt prior to loading your crap on. Ensure the divider is visible to the check out operator.
- Check your pram and your children’s pockets for any shoplifted items. It’s amazing how often a 4 year old will help themselves to a kinder surprise or two (or is that just my kids?).
- If you intend to go to self serve, according to my friends, you really shouldn’t have more than 12 items. It’s not playtime, people stand in those lines to get in and out as fast as possible and you playing checkout chick is apparently frowned upon.
- You may only go and get something you have forgotten if the check out operator can keep scanning without you holding the process up. No one wants to wait for you to find the cream of tartar because you forgot it.
- Do not steal at the self serve counter (this includes putting in the code for the cheaper grapes than you have in your shopping trolley), someone can always see what you are doing and even if someone doesn’t see, Lady Karma will take care of you.
So I’ll not laugh anymore, in fact, I’m now very wary of how I conduct myself in the supermarket. I’m so worried now that I blew a fortune at Costco this week so that I don’t have to enter a supermarket for another two weeks at least!
Anyone else have any Supermarket rules?