Five years ago I could never have imagined writing this but I’m taking 13 of my favourite girlfriends up to our farm for a Gals Night Away. For those of you with toddlers, this is proof that life does get better. Five years ago it would have been unfathomable because two parents were needed to just get the young crew into the car but we’ve finally reached a point where at least 3 are self sufficient and the youngest two can be managed by The Big Guy with minimal fuss.
To the Dad’s who’ve agreed to take on the sporting fixtures, Saturday night dinner and overall household duties for the weekend, all we can say is THANK YOU! It’s not often that the Mama bears get time out and it’s such a treat for all of us to wave goodbye to being responsible for small humans 24/7 – even if it’s only for 24 hours.
Between the gals and I, we have 45 children. Yes there are 45 small and not so small humans being left behind in Sydney and being cared for by their Dad’s. This could be an epic disaster for some so I’ve written a guideline for the Dad’s on how to survive 24 hours with Mum away:
- You need to think like we do for 24 hours. Do not think like a man for 24 hours, think like a woman and PLAN AHEAD.
- Your children generally eat 6 times a day, brekkie, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and perhaps a little dessert – yes you will spend all day feeding them.
- Babies WILL make a mess in their high chairs if you leave them alone with Weet-Bix. Sure they can feed themselves now but enjoy trying to get the dried Weet-Bix off the floor if you don’t get it while it’s still mushy. Hehe, totally going to love this one!
- You have to get more than yourself ready on Saturday morning so remember to plan and aim to leave 1/2 an hour earlier than you need to because you’ll need that half hour to run back into the house 5 times and pick up more crap that you have forgotten. Oh and the baby will poo just before you’re about to leave the house. And it will be gross.
- Keep in mind that we have already realised that that you have no idea where sports uniforms are so we have put them away neatly in wardrobes for the cherubs to easily access. Do not remind them to get into their uniforms 2 minutes before you leave home, they take longer than this to dress themselves and there is more than just you to get ready tomorrow. .
- Take JUMPERS WITH YOU, SPARE NAPPIES AND WIPES FOR BABIES and ASTHMA INHALERS. Pack this bag the night before, you’re going to forget and we don’t want to come home to sore bums and pneumonia.
- No, just because Mum is away, it doesn’t mean they can fleece you for $50 at the sports canteens – take snacks and drink bottles to sport tomorrow.
- Remember that little humans need a daytime sleep. It’s not a rock’n’roll weekend.
- Don’t try to be too cool, we still have to control them on Monday and there’s nothing worse than coming home to hearing that “Dad’s so much nicer than you” – maintain the high expectations and get angry every couple of hours so they know who is boss.
- The house doesn’t clean itself and the maid isn’t here to make beds and do the dishes. It would be lovely to come home to a semi-respecable state on Sunday afternoon. Feel free to iron the school uniforms for the week too, we’ll not expect it to be done but hey, worth mentioning!
- Feel free to do a load of washing or three.
- No, sausages on the BBQ are not an acceptable meal plan for brekkie, lunch and dinner (I went away once before and this is all The Big Guy fed the kids).
- Sure they can watch a movie and perhaps get takeaway but that doesn’t mean the usual $50 pizza order can turn into a $200 Thai feast. There is PLENTY OF FOOD IN THE FRIDGE.
- Yes your teenager has a curfew and no, we did not approve the change in plans. Be sceptical at all times, if in doubt, call us.
- Try to stay awake long enough so that you are sure they’re in bed and asleep. Watch bedrooms for strange light and confiscate all i devices prior to bed time.
- Next morning, repeat.
HAVE FUN (we certainly will) and THANK YOU!