1. I learnt that households with only women (including lesbians and lesbian communes – do they exist?) must have the easiest life because with only women in the house, EVERYTHING was done, chopped, diced, cooked, cleaned, put away sorted, beds made and even the laundry was done before I needed to issue in instruction. I was honestly amazed and my usual “Get the f*** out of my kitchen mantra” was replaced with “Go for it ladies, the kitchen is all YOURS”. I was honestly shocked at how efficient and tidy all the Mama Bears were, 10 years of toddlers does warp you into a false sense that chaos will reign forever, I finally had some hope that one day I’ll see the floors again.
I also learnt that after 6 years of sweeping, mopping and picking up crap off the lovely floorboards at the farm, a life without toddlers would mean that I would indeed be able to keep my home in the nice, orderly fashion that Pinterest says it should be kept in. Couldn’t BELIEVE how clean the house was ALL weekend.
2. We’ve had hundreds of people visit the farm over the years and no one has EVER got lost on the way there. This weekend proved that women cannot follow directions. Despite giving PICTURES and a couple of corrections via SMS to ensure they were crystal clear, one car of gossiping women managed to turn a 2.5hr trip into 4hours and another Mama Bear ignored the instructions to NOT follow GPS or the TOM TOM because she would end up in a river, and guess what, she ended up in the river. 2 hours later she was found slightly stressed with a flat mobile battery and in need of a beverage or 5.
3. I learnt to never listen to people who tell you they go to bed early. Everyone is capable of having a big night when they’re having a good time. We started out cocktail hour at 3pm in the afternoon and EVERY SINGLE MAMA BEAR WAS STILL AWAKE AT 3AM CHATTING THE NIGHT AWAY. Bravo ladies, BRAVO!
4. It’s important to take at least one Mama Bear with incredible pizza dough making skills with you on a girls weekend. When the rest of the crew are too many wines to the wall, our incredible English Mama, Tanya, got rolling and making some of of the best pizza’s we’re ever had.
5. We discovered that almost every Mama Bear never had the existence of a man in a red suit, a chocolate delivering bunny or a flying fairy that collected teeth confirmed or denied. They were all still believers as their parents had never had that discussion with them. Something I think I’m going to adopt, keep the dream alive forever.
6. You know those people who have incredible hair that ALWAYS looks incredible. WELL, they also WAKE UP with the hair they went to bed with. I AM NOT KIDDING. It’s magic but these girls actually woke up with not a hair out of place. Determined to find out their secret.
7. It doesn’t matter how old they are, Mum’s love a dressing gown.
8. Women can light fires and keep them going for more than 24 hours WITHOUT a scientific ‘how to make a fire the correct way using the tee pee technique’ lecture from their hubby’s. Who gives a shit about the technique, we smashed it and kept those fires alive!
9. I learnt that despite ensuring the healthy options of a fruit platter and cereal being on offer for brekkie, even the skinniest and fittest of Mama Bears won’t knock back a bacon and egg roll after a big night.
10. I learnt that despite writing a long and detailed BLOG post directly squarely at the Big Guy with instructions on how to come home to a nice clean house, it was never going to happen. He swears it was immaculate for about 24 hours but at the 36th hour, it all turned to shit. It seems the less children you had, the tidier the house you came home to as one Mum of 4 arrived home to an immaculate house with well behaved children, she discovered new toys in each of the kids bedrooms which were used as bribes by Dad for good weekend behaviour! Another Mum of 5 was like me and arrived home to a bomb site but I was past the point of caring, the weekend away was EXACTLY what I needed and the two hours of cleaning upon my arrival home was a small price to pay for a weekend of peace! Needless to say, 3 kids went to school on Monday in dirty uniforms…..
11. I learnt that Dad’s are AWESOME. 45 kids all safe, fed and happy and as we suspected, we all got “Dad’s WAY nicer than YOU Mum” upon our arrival.
12. Finally, I learnt what I always knew, not all women are bitches, in fact, these chicks are far from it. Some of the best women I know who can laugh at themselves, be supportive of one another, meet new friends and have nothing but nice things to say about each other when they left. A fab group – bring on the second trip!