The Mum Network

To the other “me” – no, you cannot have my Instagram name or any other name I have.

Screen Shot 2014-05-31 at 11.00.48 pmFor the last ten years since social media existed, I have been the only person on the planet with my first name and surname (that I know of and lets face it with over 1 billion accounts, everyone, except my two brothers, has a Facebook account). Weird I know (about me being the only ME, not my brothers, that’s an entirely different yarn all together).


Try it out, search for your name and followed by ‘Facebook’, ‘instagram’ or ‘twitter’ and you will see how many people in the world have the same name as you. Pity if you’re looking for John Smith, there are HUNDREDS of them – ask him to befriend you instead as you’ll never ever find him.


My name is hardly a unique name but it’s clear not a popular one.

Until now.

I’m being harassed on a daily basis by a precious little poppet (a tiny little teenager) who messages me almost daily begging me to give her “her name” on social networks that I have clearly and very intentional and rudely registered on social networks before she was born. She seems lovely enough, she’s pretty, she’s not posting pics of her upper or nether regions but clearly having to put an underscore between her first and surname is giving her the shits and no one can find her. She’s a popular girl as I get about 4 friend requests from her mates each week. Social presence is very important in teenage land and clearly some old chook with 5 kids is getting in the way of her digital social life.

Well little poppet with same name as me, the answer is no. You cannot have my name and you need to stop messaging me because I was here first and your stalker like behaviour is getting a little WEIRD. I totally understand why it’s important to you and how ‘desperate’ you are to have my official username for ‘everything’ but we just need to start living like everyone else does and cope with the fact that there are two of us in the world and you will have to change your username to something a tad lame. There has to be some benefit to being a social media early adopter, old and signing up to everything the moment it’s released, and this, it appears, is it. The power to say no to a desperate teenager.

The constant badgering of my teen friend in the USA made me think about my kids as Roxy Jacenko made NEWS the other day when she registered 28 day hold Hunter with his own Instagram account. Being a regular stalker of dear Roxy, I can see why she’s done this. It might make no sense to others but to me it makes perfect sense. She tags the kids in her pics, posts on their behalf and not only does she make some $$$ for them to put into their trust funds and she simply names the company the kids are wearing and voila, FREE DESIGNER DUDS FOR THE KIDS but the kids also have a digital record on social media of their ENTIRE LIVES from birth. Never again will they have the question that we got this week of “Mum, I need a picture of my baptism for school” – Nada, I could not find ONE PHOTO. Not even the Godparents could help out. Poor Miss 6 has no pics of her babyhood (no idea why) and in 2007, I just was still months away from owning an iPhone which changed the way we all became photojournalists reporting on our own lives.

None of my kids have name dopplegangers. At the moment they’re all unique, this is very rare. I’m thinking I may set up facey, instagram and twitter accounts for them in their names. That way, they’re unique and they are the only ones with their name. No underscore rubbish for them. Authentic real names all the way! I can tag them so they have a record of their existence from their ages as of now and can go looking for their own baptism pics when needed for school. When they ask to get an instagram, facey or twitter account I can say they already have one and put some terms and conditions on membership including the threat of publishing and tagging them in embarrassing childhood pics if they step out of line? Hmm….harsh but could be a good strategy?!?!?! AM I mad or is this a good idea? Setting them up on three social networks alone means setting up 15 different accounts, no sure if I can be arsed actually.

Two weeks into detox. Six weeks to go, I suspect I’m just bored on a Saturday night and not wanting to do the things on the to do list.

What about you? Have you set your kids up on social media yet? Would you? Does a name matter? 


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